Way, WAY down, but NOT OUT...

I've had several days to "sit" on what I'm about to blog on, not knowing if I would ever be able to really talk about it, let it out, and let some in. Joseph and I had decided we would work it out together and keep it private, but I'm a talker (is that a surprise?) and I deal with things by talking about them and letting others in, and he agreed that I could blog about it because it's what I need to do...

Monday morning we lost our baby. I was 14 weeks and 6 days pregnant. We kept the news very private (or tried to anyway) because there were a lot of things that needed to go right, and unfortunately they did not. There were several things that went wrong and we were aware of all the things, but we were still so shocked when we lost the baby. We had hoped and prayed that everything would turn around, but it didn't...and I'm just so sad, and lost, and hurt, and mad, and a complete mess. We have struggled for so long to get pregnant again, and then this happened. And now we are just lost and don't know where to go. I mean, we've been down every possible road, except adoption-which we aren't against by any means, but we really just want our own baby. Now we wait...they say I have to wait 3 months after losing the baby, and I don't even know if we can try to get pregnant again. This time was so stressful and so hard. We are just lost, and I guess I decided to blog about it not to get your sympathy...Joseph and I can get through this, just like we got through losing Jackson, but I blog to ask you for prayers to guide us...do we try again, pursue adoption, become crazy cat people, whatever it is we are suppose to do, we need prayers and guidance.

Thank you for always being part of our journey. I would have never imagined that I would experience losing a baby at 4 months, struggling to get pregnant for over 2 years and then losing a baby later in a pregnancy. And like I said in my title, right now we are way down but we are not out by any means. We are going to get through this and we are going to have our family...no matter how it comes about, we'll get it. Please just continue to lift us in prayer as we get through this bumpy patch. And as always, please REMEMBER JACKSON!

All my love,